Hi Everyone

Here's a personal note from me. Its been a long time since I sent anything out. You'll understand why. I am so grateful to friends and neighbours and even people I don't know who have helped, supported, encouraged, offered sympathy and more - even food! Thank you.

What a year its been. Not in a good way. For three or four months I kept saying, more out of mystification than anything, "We weren't expecting this." We spent the first half of the year trying to figure out how to get Jane well so we could get some plane tickets and go. Then the next half of the year to date going through all the motions and emotions of dealing with a brain tumour. There is no cure so we knew where it was leading. It is one of those things that makes me think about how little "healthcare" providers know. Yesterday Jane's remains were interred in Stoney Creek, where she grew up through her teenage years and until she moved to England when we got married. We were a couple for more than 50 years and married for 47. You may understand that my main focus has not been on the work of the ministry. I miss her.

Yet the vision and the desire remains. Even in the thick of it I managed to join in on some worship leading and other things. It is just over 8 weeks now since Jane died although I've been living on my own and grieving since June. The funeral seven weeks ago was awesome - and thanks to everyone who attended and sent flowers. We decided to go with some things that are not the usual now - calling it a funeral, because its about losing someone, we never asked for "donations in lieu of flowers."  Some people brought flowers and it was lovely.

There are many things learned from the process. I could teach a class. I have realized how little comfort the assurance that Jane is in a better place has brought. The world to come - heaven - is still by faith until we are there. Also, the problem is not that Jane's there, its that she's not here. That's the bit that sucks! I do have faith and there is a blessed assurance - I see it most convincingly in the small things. For example, I happened recently on the "three score years and ten" verse in Psalm 90. But it says something else too:
"The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty if we are strong—  yet their pride is but labor and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away."
In a section about death, this verse casually mentions that "we fly away." Not, "and then you're gone" or "and then into the ground" - we fly away. Its like an unintentional teaching that there is more to life after the body is finished.

Jane loved Revelation, and at the ceremony yesterday I read Revelation chapter four - the throne room description. And then played part of a recording of Jane singing (beautifully!), "Here I am. Heaven falling all around. On this holy ground I bow. Completely overwhelmed." Its where she is. It made me smile out loud, right there at the cemetery. This is the truth. If there is no resurrection, as Paul says, then our faith is futile. But there is.

In grace beyond understanding,

John